even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
