I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think your dad took our porno
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
