My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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