whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
