My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
