do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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