Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I enjoy the company of your penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
