he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
