it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
