Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
