eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
