i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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