I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
