This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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