"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
