Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
