I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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