Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
