No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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