my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
