I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
