Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
