I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
