It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
