Tell her she can't have a vagina
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
