at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
two words...techno handjob
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
