I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will pee on everything he values.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
