Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
