my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
