i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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