The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
