I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
