I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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