ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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