eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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