just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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