I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
