Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
