She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
