apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
