I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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