Nicole vs. Life
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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