"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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