please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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