I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
