Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
