Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
