I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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