I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
bring money and cleavage
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
