no, he came in my armpit
are you so shy because you have an std?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
