I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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