Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
