you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
